We Are Greater Than Our Grief

I used this piece as a closing ritual in the last Writing Through Grief class I taught at Kara. While it is aimed at people who have suffered bereavements, its message can be generalized for other kinds of loss

we encounter in life --- loss of relationship, loss of job, loss of health, loss of dreams. Grief comes in many forms, from many sources. This is a reminder that It does not have to defeat us.

You might feel you live in unrelenting darkness right now. You have lost someone (or something) you love.  You have lost, forever, the person you were before that happened.   But if you can, even in the midst of this darkness, try to hold onto the possibility that there might be light ahead.  You yourself could be an agent of that light.  You have already shown courage, just by showing up here.  Remind yourself of that, when darkness descends.

 If you find a way to memorialize your lost one, and move forward toward some kind of peace and purpose, try that. If it works, hang onto to it, nurture it, build on it.  If it doesn’t work, discard it and try something else.  Iterate forward, trusting yourself, and trusting the process. 

Do not pressure yourself.  Do not feel that somehow, you should be doing this differently, or better, or faster, or according to the world’s standards.  The world’s opinion does not count here.  The world’s timetable does not apply.  You and you alone get to decide how to navigate this passage. This is a time for relentless self-compassion.

If you can find fellow travelers; people who understand you -- either because they have lived this reality, or they just happen to be very empathetic—seek those people out.   Walk with them awhile.  Share the road, for however long feels right.

Love yourself, to the best of your ability.  Trust yourself, and know that you are stronger and braver and more resourceful than you think. In time, if it is right, you may turn your new understandings outward.  Having found some light, you may well become a light to others.

To quote Wayne Muller, a favorite author:“Our sorrow does not necessarily break us.  Our pain is rarely strong enough to quench the fire of the soul, the resilience of the spirit, the essence of our true nature.  Even in the midst of the most horrible anguish; the most unimaginable loss and suffering, the spirit remains.  Not only are we strong enough to bear the pain we are given, but our sorrow can actually become a bridge to a deeper and richer life. 

On behalf of all of us here at Kara, we remind you that while you don’t have a choice about having to navigate this passage, you are not alone.  There's a legion of people who wish you well and are cheering you on.  Some you know, and some you will never meet.  Like stars in the heavens, whether you see us or not, we are there.

We wish you peace and light and possibility as you continue on your journey.  It has been our privilege to walk with you. 

Elizabeth Sloan

Writing Through Grief, Fall 2025