Reasons

The cars are packed and we’re ready to go.

Tomorrow morning, we pull out of our driveway on Apodaca Hill , head south to Albuquerque, then turn west for the three-day drive across the American southwest. It does take three days, unless you kamikaze it. And with the greatest respect for old Route 66, there’s not much to see, once you’ve done three round trips in a year-and-a-half. (Sorry Gallup, Flagstaff, Painted Desert, Petrified Forest, Barstow. La Posada Hotel in Winslow, Arizona: you are excluded. You are well worth return trips.)

Our year-long Santa Fe adventure concludes.

We have loved every minute. We have lived in two great houses; met interesting people; made some good

friends; gorged on art, architecture and food; seen history and culture with new eyes; rambled far and wide across mountains and mesas; explored New Mexico, and parts of Texas and Colorado.

It has been a wonder. But, as yet, it does not feel permanent. Home pulls, for multiple reasons. We miss the friendships built over 40 years in the Bay Area. We didn’t find the property that would have

anchored us here.

I am also vaguely uneasy about how New Mexico works, or doesn’t. Taxes are low and the state is undeniably a poor one compared to California. Perhaps because of that, there is not a lot of political will for social change. In America, New Mexico is dead last in education funding. There is little safety net for distressed people, and few government programs to address homelessness, hunger, access to housing or health care. Guns are ubiquitous and rates of alcoholism are high. The state legislators work 30 or 60 days a year, depending on whether it is an even or odd year: they are not paid, although there is a daily stipend. There is a stubborn dependence on gas and oil, (and the revenue those pour into state coffers) despite the fact that wind and solar are natural solutions here. It’s windy and sunny almost all the time! What are you guys doing?

These conditions appear, at least in part, to be a matter of choice and philosophy. Many New Mexicans prefer low taxes, small, non-intrusive government, and a preternaturally cautious approach to any kind of change. As one woman at a wine bar told me: “Santa Fe is liberal. But we are not progressive.” What New Mexicans might tell you—some of them anyway---is that life here is better because they reject fast pace and high function. Better to settle into the rhythms of the natural world, not stress about a blown deadline or that service guy who is ghosting you. Let it go. Take a walk up the mountain. Watch the sunset. Fire up a pitcher of margaritas.

They have a point. It's a worthy goal to vanquish the worst of the go-go, deadline-driven, Type-A personality that finds its natural habitat in Silicon Valley. That is a personal goal of mine.

And yet. . .

California, for all its problems, tries things. It sees government as a driver of social change. It takes its position as the fifth largest economy in the world seriously; and as permission to be a leader. When I open a paper and see a headline about California setting emission standards, enshrining reproductive rights, reining in corporate excesses, or protecting free and fair elections—a little voice inside me says Way to go, California. That’s my state.

Things pull us back to Santa Fe, though. Will continue to do so. In no particular order, here are a few.

Sunsets over the Jemez

Moonrises over the Sangres

The vibrant, unbridled art scene

Farolitos at Christmas time, and the walk up Canyon Road on Nochebuena

The smell of roasting chiles

How everyone waves as they pass

Valles Caldera—our replacement for the ocean this year

Another shot at the Balloon Fiesta and its mass ascension

Hiking Upper Canyon Loop

The Literary Festival—its joyful celebration of readers and writers

Coyotes howling in the arroyo at night

Margaritas at La Fonda -- and just about anyplace else. (Although, truth be told, I never quite acquired the taste for the unsweetened, straight lime juice version that old timers insist is “traditional”)

Collected Works Bookstore

Walking along the Acequia Madre when the water gates are open

Harry’s Road House

Listening to live music at the Ahmyo Wine Garden's dog- friendly back patio The Santa Fe River walk after a monsoon

Museums: Art, History, Indian Arts, Folk Art. . . the list goes on

Chloe’s free-range sprints through the Monsignor Patrick Smith and Water History parks

Sharing the Plaza with tourists, locals, vendors, Indian dancers and musicians

All the quirky, delightful, ridiculous, only-in-New-Mexico experiences that made up this magical year.

Looking at my list, what I see are reasons to go and reasons to stay. Lots of reasons; those preachy little things that fly around in your head, waving their finger at you. Justifying whatever it is you really want, in your gut, to do.

In the end, for us, I don’t think Santa Fe is going to be about reasons. Or the head. Or the analytic left side of the brain. That decision (at least for me) will come from someplace else entirely. The heart. The gut. The place where all the emotional stuff resides.

Cooper was in the Air Force one time for about 15 minutes. I used to ask him (excessively, no doubt) Where will you go next? He would answer: Mom, you can keep asking if you want, but I don’t know. I am AFO--awaiting further orders.

That’s us. We’re awaiting further orders. Not from the military. From the universe.